I’m 100% an out of site, out of mind personality. I sent the letter and as far as emotions go, that was my limit. What else can I do but wait?
So for those of you brave enough to ask or those of you merely just wondering, I’m waiting. And the truth is, that isn’t very easy. In fact, once I’d been asked when my next blog update would be, I got angry. The emotions that were far from sight were upfront and real. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m feeling rejected. I’m feeling disappointed. I thought it would be instant. I still have tons of faith that she will respond, but the timing is making me quite anxious.
“Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.”
My “real mom” is in the middle of a very serious health upset. (To put it lightly, because, well you know me) or to just be straight to the point, she needs a lung transplant. I don’t do well with big news, I clam up. I become abrasive and sarcastic. I don’t know that this is the best time in my life to be having this big life altering meet and greet. I don’t want my mom to feel like I’m trying to replace her. I’m hoping the anxiety doesn’t overwhelm me. But at the same, it’s putting my head in a very “now or never” state of mind. What if this is my only opportunity. Not me, or my mom, or my birth mom are promised tomorrow.
So to recap, I’m over exhausted with emotions in every direction, while all I can do for anyone it seems, is wait.
Merry Christmas, from my crazy family to yours.